Weird doesn’t begin to describe what Doom Patrol’s first season has offered, but its latest episode brought a new adjective to the mix: blah. Not in the sense that the show stunk up the joint, but rather that it made your face squish up involuntarily and combat its grossness with a solid amount of cringe tongue. We can all thank the Beard Master for that. Rita and Vic dealt with him as Jane and Cliff journeyed through The Underground, but his antics only scratch the surface of this week’s installment. More importantly, fans finally got far more incite into Chief’s past and the more sinister side that to which so many that oppose the Doomers have alluded. Denial is a stiff drink to kick.
The Beard Hunter
Ernest Franklin appears to be a simple man-child living in his mom’s basement, surrounded by cut-out pictures of bearded men. He is so much more in reality, and the Bureau of Normalcy knows this. They recognize it so well that they activate him to find Chief. The Beard Hunter is back in action.
Ernest breaks into Doom Manor as Vic fills Rita in on Danny the Street. There’s even a quick tease of Flex Mentallo via the comic Danny gave Vic. Ernest sneaks into Chief’s bathroom and devours a wet clump of Chief’s hair and facial hair from the sink drain. The delicacy sends him into a state of ecstacy that causes him to faint. He wakes up to find himself tied up and interrogated by Vic and Rita. His mission to find Chief is scoffed off by Vic, but Ernest has been imbued with Chief’s essence via his wretch-inducing meal. Ernest knows where Chief is as well as his darkest truths.
Rita and Vic adjourn to discuss how they can use Ernest to find Chief, but the facial hair obsessive has his own plans. He sucks up a loose hair from Vic’s face and frees himself before the duo come back into the room. Ernest berates Vic about knowing his dark secrets as well while dodging his attacks. Ernest is in Vic’s head. Grid recognizes the internal threat and forces Vic’s arm cannon to fire involuntarily. Vic activates Grid’s emergency shutdown and Rita tells Ernest to leave. The Beard Hunter retreats while gloating about defeating the mighty Cyborg.
Faulty Wiring
Rita confronts Vic about his malfunction after things calm down. Vic believes they are a product of his system reset but refuses to call his father for help. He asks Rita not to tell the others about his mechanical problems out of concern over his depiction in Jane’s painting. Rita agrees before revealing that she stuck a tracker on Ernest before he escaped. The two are ready to chase him down once the team is ready to go. The conversation ends when Jane and Cliff wake up from their magic school bus trip.
Chief’s true nature becomes clearer during a recounting of his time in the Yukon in 1913. He and his partner, Alastair, are on a mission in the remote region for the Bureau of Oddities. Chief’s curiosity gets the better of him during the mission and Alastair is attacked by the wolf/reindeer oddity they’re tracking. Chief injures his leg while fleeing and is taken by the same creature, waking up in a cave amongst the bodies of Turkish hunters. He soon discovers that he isn’t alone in the cave. A neanderthal woman named Slava responds to his appeals to friendship by beating him snuffing out her fire. A fine start.
Oyewah
Chief documents his time with Slava as he recovers from his injury. He tries in vain to leave but she finally begins to warm to him by offering him a raw fish. Chief lashes out, believing that she only sees him as a pet, and demands that the bodies of the hunters be honored with a proper burial. Slava silently agrees, pulling the bodies to an altar situated between series of stone pillars. Chief discovers evidence of Slava’s civilization and they’re propensity for immortality. Slava unties Chief’s hands and the two burn the bodies on the altar. Slava conjures the beast that attacked Chief previously, revealing a psychic connection between them.
Slava’s acceptance leads Chief to choose to stay with her in the Yukon and the two have a three year long fling in the snowy wilds. Things get complicated when Chief and Alastair reunite in the forest. The two friends reconnect as Alastair fills Chief in on World War I and the shifting priorities of the Bureau. The BOO is now the Bureau of Normalcy and is intent on exterminating the abnormal, including Slava. Alastair forces Chief to lead him to her home, but Chief leads him to a patch of thin ice. Alastair crashes through and drowns. Chief’s desire to protect Slava causes him to toss his journal in the water and return to the Bureau to throw them off her trail. His new mission is to outwit and outlast the world’s monsters.
No Dice
One odd presence in this memory is Mr. Nobody. He’s been peeping in of Chief’s memories, learning all he can about the man he wishes to break. He warns Chief that holding onto secrets comes at a cost, but he’s a reasonable guy. Nobody has an offer that’ll end Chief and the Doom Patrol’s suffering: Reveal Slava’s location and everything ends. Chief refuses to answer, stating that he doesn’t care what Nobody does to the rest of his team. He won’t be broken.
Elsewhere, Ernest descends an odd staircase to find what he believes to be Chief. Unfortunately, his discovery is actually a life-size Chief doll with his facial hair glued on. Ernest’s bewilderment turns to terror when Slava’s psychic beast bud appears behind him and attacks the Beard Hunter. The search continues.
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